Status update

Very little is going on at the moment. Heat is picking up and without A/C, I will soon be forced to edit my manuscript on my phone.
I’m a stressful person, and I can’t help but feel that even the smallest delay from my part will be a near-apocalyptic event in the long run. I’ve already been working on The Darkening for a little over a year (gosh, has it been that long? Time does fly, huh?) and I want to hold an edited version in my hands as soon as possible before someone outside myself sees it. Of course that doesn’t mean said edited version will be the final product. Far from it. But I also have two wonderful people waiting to beta for me (once again, thank you both!) and I really really REALLY want to hear their comments, particularly the negative ones, which are vital for my improvement. It will be a milestone of sorts, an indication I’ve actually produced something tangible, and the entire endeavour has moved forward. It will boost my morale. Working at the same novel for so long has made me feel like I’m in a stalemate. Thank God I don’t work on one solid 300 page long MS, but on separate scenes/chapters, each in their own individual folder. That way I get to see every week how much I have progressed. If not for that, I would have been overwhelmed.

OK, enough ranting and raving. Time for me to get back to work.

Dilemmas

I have a question for you, dear followers. How do you deal with a scene you think will most probably be annoying, if not outright offensive, to your readers?

Here’s my conundrum: The first draft of the chapter I’m editing at the moment, has a scene which I think is too much. By too much I mean too shocking. The scene showed (shows?) a mother with an infant child die to their shadows. In case anyone has forgotten, in the world of The Darkening, the shadows humans make come to life and kill their owners, in a rather gruesome way.

Originally (around last September I think), I had written the scene in a very descriptive way through the eyes of my main character. For both the mother and the infant. Mind you, by ‘descriptive’ I don’t mean graphic. ‘Detailed’ is probably a better word. By the end of it, I realised it bothered me. Because of the baby. Because of what a mother represents. Because of how shocked, whoever the reader, would be. So, I broke my rule about not editing until after the draft was ready, and rewrote part of it. In that new version, I kept the description of the mother’s death, but I intentionally brushed over that of the infant’s. I was still torn between what my main character would actually see (the full detailed version), and what, in a loose way, was politically correct (meaning the censored version).

Several months later, it was time to edit the same chapter this past week, and while rewriting the scene (I’ve rewritten everything, hence the delay in finishing), I decided that even the censored version was too much. Again because of what a mother represents in our culture, in our societies. So I brushed over the deaths completely, and forced my main character, who originally watched the events, to only hear them die instead of seeing them. Now I’m really not satisfied. Usually, the answer to such a dilemma, for me at least, is rewrite everything, choose a different path. BUT! That scene was there to make a point to the reader about the intentions of another character (their deaths are not accidental, someone did it on purpose, you see). I have no doubt the effect will be identical whichever way I write it; the reader will want to actually hurt the bad guys. It’s just that I’m not satisfied. And I know I have to write the story from the point of view not only of the main character’s, but through the lense of a dead world, where no moral values exist. It’s a post apocalypse story after all. I also have to take into account what drives the bad guy to do what he does. The bad guy has reasons for doing what he does, even though it involves something so brutal. But is that a sufficient enough excuse to be descriptive about something that can be shown in a different, less blunt way?

In the beginning of this post, I wrote “how do you deal with a scene you think will most probably be annoying.” This dilemma may very well be in my mind, and not an real problem at all. I’d like to know, however, if you ever had to make such a decision with a scene in your stories. What was your choice based on, and how did you cope with the (probable) outrage of your readers, be it betas, agents, or anyone else?

Status update

I’ve been editing/revising my novel The Darkening for a few months now and I’m one chapter short of reaching the midpoint. So far, I’ve rewritten every single chapter. If I was to copy/paste the sentences that didn’t get altered, I doubt they would fill more than maybe two A4 pages. Maybe. So, technically, I’ve spent the last few months writing. Or rewriting, whichever way you want to see it.

It’s really amazing how much my style has changed in just one year, but I think the current version is better. *Chris leans over and whispers in your ear, “much, much better.”* The sentences are tighter, I’ve tamed my former nemesis of constantly using  “as” and “-ing” (but still not as much as I’d like), and the word count has dropped significantly (in some cases by as much as 1200 words per chapter, though I have to tighten it even further). I have also added more of the main character’s mood and voice through the prose. So far, nothing major story-wise has changed.

If everything goes as planned, I should have it ready for my two betas by the end of summer or early autumn. If they have any ideas about the story and other plot changes I should make, I will do them afterwards, during the second round of edits.

Other than that, I’ve started accumulating a few rejections for some new short stories, so I guess it’s business as usual 😛

Back at it again

My phone rang this morning and notified me about the upcoming mount Everest I had to start climbing first thing tomorrow morning. It’s been 37 days since the last time I laid eyes on the first draft of my novel’s manuscript and the time has come for me to start editing and revising.

I’m gonna let that sink in for a while. Editing and revising.

The manuscript is 149k words long. I have to trim it down to 110 – 120k, no matter what, and make it more presentable. I also have to rewrite the first 10 or so chapters and condense them to 2 or maybe 3. Then carry on with the actual nit-picking. To be honest, I’m not looking forward to it. Not because I don’t like the book, but because I’m scared.

I’m scared because I think I won’t like anything from it. I’m scared because I’ve never done anything in that scale. Editing short stories somehow seem different now to me (strange, I know; after all it’s the same principle). Most of all I’m scared because I don’t know if my editing skills (which in turn mean my writing skills) are up to the task. In some ways I feel I’m back to square one where I had no work published and I was  uncertain of my ability to produce publishable material. Three publications in so far (fingers crossed to place the rest ones somewhere) and I still feel like a speck of sand that somehow has to reach the top of a mountain the size of Everest.

In those 37 days I wrote 3 short stories and finished translating one of them for a family member who doesn’t speak English, making this past November my most productive month so far. My aim with these stories is to place them all either in semi-pro or professional markets. I probably shouldn’t have high hopes for pro markets as they seem to prefer writers whose writing has something that I still lack. One thing is they have more experience in the craft than me. But I’ll try. If I do manage to get published in any of them (semi-pro or pro) then it will be a TREMENDOUS confidence boost that will reflect in the way I perceive my novel’s worth and my skill as a writer and storyteller. (The stories are now up on Scribophile, so if any of you is a member there and you’re interested in their genres, have a look at them)

Is it strange that I feel so stressed right now? Those of you who made it and traditionally published your books (fiction or non-fiction) did you feel like that as well? Am I experiencing a twisted version of what I should be feeling about the whole process? Or is it that I’m pushing myself too much, in order to prove to myself that I can do it?