“I’m trapped. This is where I had died.”
Jeremy twisted his head a little to the left. Nope, that didn’t help either. Strange how anyone had written a message in such a way. At least Miranda’s pocket mirror was good for something other than checking her eyeliner every five seconds. If only it were a decent-sized one instead of the tiny thing he had to work with; such a pain trying to read the mirror image of a backwards message through something half the size of his palm. He sniffed the air, crinkled his nose. What’s that smell anyway? Like rotten lavender. Damn; it was from the letters. The more of the message appeared, the more it smelled.
“Hey, Jerry,” Miranda said, “another line appeared on the far corner, I think.”
I’m actually quite intrigued by this now. I may actually sit down and write a story about it, hehe.
I hate my inner critic. I really, REALLY hate him. I’ve managed to reach the point where I only have 3 – 4 more chapters to write after which I will be happily able to say “I finished it! I finished my 2nd book!”
That was the moment my inner critic struck and messed things up. And that moment is when the previous joyful statement turns into something like, “yeah, but look what a mess you’ve made. Story sucks, plots sucks more, characterisation sucks even more, overall product sucks the most.” And then the unwillingness to continue comes along. From writing 3.5k words a day, I go down to 1.5 and writing becomes a chore.
I really, REALLY hate that inner critic. It takes all the fun away. I blame my perfectionism that sometimes runs in my veins, especially when it comes to writing.
In liue of that, I figured I might give you my take on what I do to battle these defeatist feelings, though be warned, I have yet to achieve a victory against them.
1. It’s a first draft, therefore accept it as it is. I’ve often said to some of you who follow this blog and we have developed a more direct form of communication, not to worry about a work being sucky or below expectations simply because first drafts are supposed to be that way; sucky, full of mistakes, full of plot holes, full of everything that could make you throw your computer out the window (or typewriter).
And yet I fail to adhere to this rule. Go figure. It’s still a solid advice, it’s just that my brain fails to remember it when it needs it the most. Kinda like those drivers who shield their eyes when they’re about to be part of a minor accident instead of watching where they’re going and controlling the car, even though their instructors have told them exactly not to do that.
2. It’s good to be strict with your own self-imposed deadlines, but the world won’t end if you stretch them by a few days (yes, I’m talking to you, Chris Sarantopoulos). I have very little doubt that I will be able to finish my WIP (Through Stranger Eyes is the current title, if anyone is wondering) before I start querying my previous book. Especially if I just focus and write 3k words a day. I may stretch my deadline by a couple of days, but it can be done. The thing is, I feel like I’ve exhausted all my fuel, plus the backup fuel I had stored somewhere, and some more I stole from those around me. I’m on fumes here. Bottom line is, as I said in my previous post, sometimes it’s easy to reach your daily quota, sometimes words simply refuse to come. Accept it. That’s the life of a writer, even when it comes to the big names.
3. Don’t panic, revision will save you. Consider revision as a loving and caring mother. We all mess things up from time to time (some of us more than others), but mom is always there to not just chastise us, but also show us the right way. That’s kind of what revision does for you. Even if the new plot line you made up, despite what you had planned and outlined, clashes with every other plot line, relax. You’ll get it fixed a couple of months after you finish your work, after you’ve hid the MS and let it mature. It may take you some more time to patch things up, but it’s okay. Just keep repeating “revision will make things right.” And yes, I’m talking to you again, Chris Sarantopoulos.
4. Trust your ideas. We write fiction because we have ideas to test, and strange worlds and situation to experience. Some will work better than others, some will be utter crap. If you’ve written the latter, look at points 1 and 3. Repeat as often as necessary. Chances are those ideas will spark something. Perhaps a better tangent for your story or a new story altogether.
5. Resist the urge to start another project because “this one is too hard/you suck/you are inexperienced for its complexity yet, etc.” Just put the words down. One word at a time. Neil Gaiman said that. You can’t argue with one of the masters. You can’t revise or improve on something that isn’t there. Let that inner critic shout all he/she wants. If you start an awful lot of projects without finishing any one of them, say because you’re not ready for that project yet, when will you be ready for it? Will you ever be?
Oh well, that’s all for now. Damn you inner critic.
Despite several non stop attempts from the powers that be, I have managed to stay productive. Wait, no. Wrong. I’ve actually managed to be overproductive. For the past few weeks I’ve been able to write up to 3500 words per day, though my average is about 3000. Now, it may not be much for some of you, but it is for me. My usual word quota is anywhere between 1500 and 2000, so every time I reach or exceed 3500 words, I am elated. I don’t know if other writers are like me, but I like to enjoy little things like that, because sometimes – and I think we can all agree on that – despite all our efforts, words don’t come easy. Some days are good, some are terrible, and some are so awesome that you want to do a victory dance.
Yeah, like that.
Fingers crossed, I’ll be able to keep it up and finish the entire project either by the end of this month, or at the latest, within the first week of June. Assuming of course, that those powers leave me alone.
The doors slid opened. The short, sturdy woman walked in again, this time with a bundle of papers under her arm. She snapped her fingers and one of the guards brought her a wooden half-rickety chair. She shooed him away and placed the chair in front of the prisoner.
She studied him, brought a pack of cigarettes out of a pocket, took one out, tapped it on the stack of papers on her lap.
“Who are you?” the prisoner asked. “Why am I here?”
She was about to light her smoke when she paused and eyed him from over the flame. She took a long drag, blew it out and smiled at him. “Before we start, you should know you’ve already been here before, already had this conversation several times in the past, or in the future – depends on how you see it – and it didn’t go so well for either of us back then.” She shook the ash. “What story will you tell me this time?”
The day draws near where I will have to start sending queries out to the agents I have been stalking on twitter, and have added in small manageable groups in my excel file. For the past few weeks I have been putting the whole thing off as much as possible and quite frankly, I don’t know why. When my friends ask me (the one or two who know I write) if I’ve had any replies from agents, I tell them I’m waiting for summer to send any queries, so I won’t have to stop working on Through Stranger Eyes (my current WIP) and start on revisions a potential agent may ask. I don’t want to tackle that part of the process with leftover baggage from my current WIP. Sometimes, I answer that I’m holding back to avoid having to revise and edit in the middle of a heat wave on my mobile phone instead of my PC again. I don’t think I could work on a novel-length manuscript on my mobile phone for another summer. (Hint: No A/C for me. PC’s exhaust sends air exceeding 60 C. Not a nice work environment).
However, a few days ago I think I realised I may be a little bit afraid and uncertain about my synopsis and my query. Yes, these two culprits again. I don’t know. Maybe they are not to blame at all. So now I’ve set a date, a self-imposed deadline. Apparently, I work better when I have deadlines for things that are not directly related to creative work (like attaching files to an email and hitting the send button, as opposed to having to finish a 100k word novel by a specific date, no matter what).
I will send the first query on 10 June. Hopefully I will have finished Through Stranger Eyes by then, and I’ll be able to focus exclusively on the agent hunting process. Fingers crossed.
